The Love Dare

I have been struggling for a while to be truly happy with myself and with my marriage. I am not one to blog about really personal things and I don't like my true feelings exposed but I think it is important to share because no one's marriage is perfect and anyone else that feels this way should get on board with what I am about to share. Our bishop challenged my husband and I to watch the movie fireproof a while back. It is a pretty corny (horrible acting) christian movie about a couple who's marriage is hanging on a thread and they fix it with this LOVE DARE the husbands father gives him. The movie is paired with a Love Dare bible study and the Love Dare Book. In the movie, the husband takes this dare which is 40 days long and each day has a different step to practice unconditional love. Yesterday I was out shopping and I saw this book, and desperate for a change decided to buy the book. I read the back..... "The LOVE DARE is a 40 day challenge for husbands and wives to understand and practice unconditional love. Whether your marriage is hanging by a thread or healthy and strong, The LOVE DARE is a journey you need to take. It's time to learn the keys to finding true intimacy and developing a dynamic marriage. Take the Dare." When my husband got home I told him I bought him a book today and set it on the couch. Later I noticed him thumbing through it and I know he remembers it from the movie. Last night during a late feeding with Keldon I opened the book and started to read the intro and the Day One's love dare. I started to cry. I NEED TO TAKE THIS DARE What if I did it as well as him? Wouldn't that be twice as much unconditional love? Even if he doesn't get on board I know that my effort to be more loving won't hurt anyone and may even be enough to make all the difference in the world.
"Unconditional Love is eagerly promised at weddings, but rarely practiced in real life. As a result, romantic hopes are often replaced with disappointment in the home." This is where I am right now. Since I have had Keldon, I have realized how mundane my life has become over the last few years, especially in my marriage. I am constantly nagging at my husband to be better and do this and do that and getting frustrated when I don't get the results I want, all the while becoming crusty and cynical and hard to be around. I am a very needy person. I hate to be alone and always have to have something going on or I swear I will die of boredom..... but I rarely go out and do something. I admit that I am some what of a hermit because I am scared of failure and I have become self conscience about stupid things. I am whiny and have the tendency to complain about anything I feel like isn't just the way I think it should be. This all presents a very big problem.............and unhappy home, and and unhappy husband. As much as I hate to admit it, if momma ain't happy ain't nobody happy. I have always hated this saying because it puts so much pressure on us as women. My attitude has always been, " That is not fair!" When things go wrong in my house and when I can't constantly be miss peppy happy go lucky optimistic, I feel like everything is going to fall apart because I'm not holding it together. You can't change anyone besides yourself, not your husband and not your children. All you can do is worry about yourself and do the best you can be. That is the hardest concept I have ever had to learn. I have struggled with it my entire life. My mother was the best example of selflessness and charity I have ever known. She wrote me a letter before she died and in it she wrote, "Let your husband know how much you love him everyday in some small way. Try to overlook his faults and compliment him on his good traits. Be the best you can be but don't criticize him. Let him see your example." She also always told me "Just love him Melanie, just love him." That is the secret. This concept held my parents marriage together for almost 45 years. My mother was a saint and that is what I need to work to be. Less critical, more forgiving, more loving, less selfless and more charitable. When I got married I made a promise to be there for better and for worse.
I am crazy for taking the time to type this but I want to share a little to get you into this book--
The opening page reads:
Receive this as a warning. This forty day journey cannot be taken lightly. It is a challenging and often difficult process, but an incredibly fulfilling one. To take this dare requires a resolute mind and steadfast determination. It is not meant to be sampled or briefly tested, and those who quit early will forfeit the greatest benefits. If you will commit to a day at a time for forty days, the results could change your life and your marriage. Consider it a dare, from others you have done it before you. The scriptures say that God designed and created marriage as a good thing. It is a beautiful and priceless gift. He used marriage to help us eliminated loneliness, multiply effectiveness, establish families, raise children, enjoy life, and bless us with relational intimacy. But beyond this, marriage also shoes us our need to grow and deal with our own issues and self-centerdness through the help of a lifelong partner. If we are teachable, we will learn to do this one thing that is most important in marriage---to love. This powerful union provides the path for you to learn how to love another imperfect person unconditionally. It is wonderful. It is difficult. It is life challenging.
This book is about love. It's about learning and daring to live a life filled with loving relationships. And this journey begins with the person who is closest to you: your spouse. May God bless you as you being this adventure. But be sure of this: it will take courage. If you accept this dare, you must take the view that instead of following your heart, you are choosing to
lead it. The world says to follow your heart, but if you are not leading it, then someone or something else is. The Bible says, "the heart is more deceitful than all else." (Jeremiah 17:9) and it Will always pursue that which feels right at the moment.
We dare you to think differently---choosing instead to lead your heart toward that which is the best in the long run. This is the key to lasting, fulfilling relationships.
The Love Dare journey is not a process of trying to change your spouse to be the person you want them to be. You've no doubt already discovered that efforts to change your husband or wife have ended in failure and frustration. Rather, this is a journey of exploring and demonstrating genuine love, even when your desire is dry and your motives are low. The truth is, love is a decision and not just a feeling. It is selfless, sacrificial, transformational. And when love is truly demonstrated as it was intended, your relationship is more likely to change for the better. Each day of this journey will containing three very important elements: First, a unique aspect of love will be discussed. Read each one of these carefully and be open to a new understanding of what it means to genuinely love someone. Second, you will be given a specific dare to do for your spouse. Some will be easy and some very challenging. But take each dare seriously , and be creative and courageous enough to attempt it. Don't be discouraged if outside situations prevent you from accomplishing a specific dare. Just pick back up as soon as you can and proceed with the journey. Last, you will be given journal space to log what you are learning and doing an d how your spouse is responding. It is important that you take advantage of this space to capture what is happening to both you and your mate along the way. These notes will record your progress and should become priceless to you in the future. Remember you have the responsibility to guide your heart. Don't give up and don't get discouraged. Resolve to lead your heart and to make it through to the end. Learning to truly love is one of the most important things you will ever do.
Now these three things remain: Faith, Hope and Love, But the greatest of these is Love . 1 Corinthians 13:13

DAY ONE---LOVE IS PATIENT ---- Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love---Ephesians 4:2

Love works. It is life's most powerful motivator and has far greater depth and meaning than most people realize. It always does what is best for others and can empower us to face the greatest of problems. We are born with a lifelong thirst for love. Our hearts desperately need it like our lungs need oxygen. Love changes our motivation for living. Relationships become more meaningful with it. No marriage is successful without it. Love is built on two pillars that best define what it is. Those pillars are patience and kindness. All other characteristics of love are extensions of these two attributes. Ant that's where your dare with begin. With patience.
Love will inspire you to become a patient person. When you choose to be patient, you respond in positive way to a negative situation. You are slow to anger. You choose to have a long fuse instead of a quick temper. Rather than being restless and demanding, love helps you settle down and begin extending mercy to those around you. Patients brings an internal calm during and external storm.
No on likes to be around an impatient person. it cause you to overreact in angry, foolish, and regrettable ways.The irony of anger toward a wrongful action is that is spawns new wrongs of its own. Anger almost never makes things better. In fact, it usually generates additional problems. But patience stops problems in their tracks More than biting your lip, more than clapping a hand over your mouth, patience is a deep breath. It clears the air. It strips foolishness from whipping is scorpion tail all over the room. It is a choice to control your emotions rather than allowing your emotions to control you, and shows discretion instead of returning evil for evil. If your spouse offends you, do you quickly retaliate, or do you stay under control.? Do you find that anger is your emotional default when treated unfairly? If so you are spreading poison rather than medicine. Anger is usually caused when the strong desire for something is mixed with disappointment of grief. You don't get what you want and you start heating up inside. It is often an emotional reaction that flows our of our own selfishness, foolishness or evil motives.
Patience however makes us wise. It doesn't rush to judgment but listens to what the other person is saying. Patience stands in the doorway where anger is clawing to burst in, but waits to see the whole picture before passing judgment. The Bible says, "He who is slow to anger has great understanding but he who is quick-tempered exalts folly" ( Proverbs 14:29)
As sure as a lock of patience will turn your home into a war zone, the practice of patience will foster peach and quiet :A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but the slow to anger calms a dispute" ( Proverbs 15:18) Statements like these from the Bible book of proverbs are clear principals with timeless relevance. Patience is where love meets wisdom,m. And every marriage needs that combination to stay healthily.
Patience helped you give your spouse permission to be human. It understands that everyone fails. When a mistake is made, it chooses to give them more time than they serve to correct it. It gives you the ability to hold on during the tough times in your relationship rather than bailing out under pressure. But can your spouse count on having a patient wife or husband to deal with? Can she know that locking her keys in the car will be met by your understanding rather than a demeaning lectures that makes her feel like a child? Can she know that cheering during the last seconds of a football game won't invite a loud-mouthed laundry list of ways he should be spending his time? It turns out that few people are as hard to live with as an impatient person. What what the tone and volume of your home be if you tried this biblical approach. "See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another." (1 Thessalonians 5:15) Few of us do patience very well and none of us do it naturally. But wise men and women will pursue it as an essential ingredient to their marriage relationships. That's a good starting point to demonstrate true love. This Love Dare Journey is a process, and the first thing you must resolve to posses is patience. Think of it as a marathon, not a sprint. But it's a race worth running.
TODAY'S DARE- THE FIRST PART OF THIS DARE IS FAIRLY SIMPLE. ALTHOUGH LOVE IS COMMUNICATED IN A NUMBER OF WAYS, OUR WORDS OFTEN REFLECT THE CONDITION OF OUR HEART. FOR THE NEXT DAY, RESOLVE TO DEMONSTRATE PATIENCE AND SAY NOTHING NEGATIVE TO YOUR SPOUSE AT ALL. IF THE TEMPTATION ARISES, CHOSE NOT TO SAY ANYTHING. IT IS BETTER TO HOLD YOUR TONGUE THAN TO SAY SOMETHING YOU WILL REGRET.
Did anything happened today to cause anger toward your mate? Were you tempted to think disapproving thoughts and to let them come out in words?

Pretty amazing and powerful stuff huh? I can't wait to see how this works. Let me know what you think, if you want to know more. I will post just the daily dare each day if you are interested. I want everyone to be able to experience this opportunity. STAY TUNED