Confessions of Counterfeit Cookies

DEFINITION of Counterfeit:
A counterfeit is an imitation (ie, a fake) made usually with the intent to deceptively represent its content or origins, thus increasing sales appeal due to the reputation of the imitated product. The word counterfeit most frequently describes forgeries

I have a confession to make, a hilarious one at that. Have you ever been asked to do or help with something that you didn't want to do, but that you felt obligated to do? Of course you have, we all have right? Well, sometimes we find ourselves saying yes to things that are way over our head. Yes I have made sugar cookies before, yes I know how to make them, no I don't have the room or the supplies or the patience or the time, but "Sure I would love to bring sugar cookies for our mutual girls New Beginnings on Wednesday.

Tuesday night- I am at winco....... the list in my head says "EGGS!" You have to have eggs to make cookies. Pink frosting means food coloring which you don't have Melanie. Oh well, do white and add red sprinkles. You can get away with that. I head down the baking isle and suddenly there is a gleam of light shining down on this glorious lifesaver. Are you kidding me I say out loud? In a package, they make this in a package? Where the crap have I been? Oh that is right? My mother didn't believe in making things out of a box and I am committing Carver food tradition suicide if I purchase this. To understand my guilty conscience, you would have to understand how I was raised. My family made fun of people that made stuff only from a box and who always brought store bought stuff to potlucks. My mother had a conniption fit every time someone brought home a store bought pizza or dessert. Frosting in a can is nasty people. I don't care how hard you try to justify it, it is just plain nasty. BUT, did you know they made cream cheese canned frosting? I managed to swallow my pride and put it in the cart. I roll over to the dairy section and pick up some crescent rolls. While browsing the section I notice, refrigerated sugar cookie dough in a roll!!!!!!!!!!! I read the direction which say "GREAT FOR ROLLED COOKIES." Rolled cookies? Oh yes, when you make sugar cookies you need a rolling pin. DUH. Do I have one, of course not, I live in a trailer so small I store half my glassware on top of my microwave! I purchase a rolling pin. Half way home, half way home I realize that I am suppose to make heart shaped cookies. The deserts are supposed to be all heart shaped. I have a snowman will that work? Ha. I go to another store to frantically search for a heart shaped cutter. It is now 8:00 p.m. and I still have to make dinner, mind you I haven't been home from work yet. No heart cutter. After dinner, my optimistic husband says, Melanie who cares, just cut out your own hearts. Um okay, let me just whip out some imaginary talent Chris and bust out the best ghetto counterfeit cookies ever made. Laugh, Laugh! Sooooo..............................................................................................................................................................That is exactly what I did. I took pictures to prove it.

As you can see, I have no counter space. I hardly have enough room to butter my toast when it pops out of the toaster on that counter and I managed to roll out a dozen cookies on that bad boy. If you look closely, you can see my very updated and classy wallpaper as well as very crooked and ugly hearts with the exception of the one on the top left side of the pan in the picture on the bottom. That was the first one. I had the same feeling making those cookies as I did in middle school T-Ping some one's house. It is just wrong, but it is exhilarating knowing that who will most likely get away with it. I felt bad though, would my mother roll over in her grave? Definitely! Would my sister laugh hysterically, for sure! The best part of the whole story is the end result. All the cookies got eaten. The other person that made cookies used white frosting and red sprinkles as well. Mine were bigger, but there was less of them. After the program I went in to the kitchen to help. Mind you, everyone that I am in Young Women's with make up the Suzy Homemakers of my ward. I love all their cooking, and they make practically everything homemade and its good too. So back to the story.

There is a box sitting on the counter of left over, unfrosted cookies. And next to the box........is a can of cream cheese frosting, which happens to be the exact brand and flavor that I used. What did I get myself all worked up for? Mine turned out to be more homemade!!!!!!!!!!! I WIN. Moral of the story- Don't get flustered over stupid stuff, that won't matter a year from now and makes an excellent and entertaining blog post!