Counting my blessings

Over the last couple of weeks I have felt overwhelmed with joy. I have been so happy and have been able to push all my usual crabby, complaining garbage that fills my head to the side and just breathe. I have been trying really hard to not have too many expectations and to let things like the dishes in the sink go. Chris made a comment on Sunday that he has noticed that I have had more patience. In spite of all the stuff going on surrounding my big move next month to the new office, I have taken the time to go camping 2x in the last month and not bring any work stuff along. My sister Sherri made a surprise visit over the weekend, so I spent most of Labor day off playing as well. My friend Heather Mahony from high school lost her little boy on Friday. The news came to me in a text message after I got out of a massage. I was so shocked I didn't know what to think. He was born at 25 weeks and was 1 pound 9 ounces. He was in the ICU for 3 months and after that was allowed to go home and lived a relatively normal life. He had a feeding tube and problems with acid reflux but that was the worst of it. At at 8 months was still smaller than Keldon has a newborn. He would have been 1 on the 1st of September and wasn't even 6 pounds. He died from his lungs collapsing because of a surgery as far as I know. I set up a Memorial fund blog so people could help donated towards Christian's funeral expenses. They don't have insurance and I am sure the state won't pay for a funeral. My sister-in-law Kelly was watching Keldon while I was at work so on the way to get him I was just pondering all my blessings. When I went to pick him up I was trying hard to choke back tears. He is so healthy and happy and sooooooo good. I haven't had any problems that are out of the new mom norm since I had him and my husband has been totally supportive and helpful lately. He is "very advanced for his age," my Pediatrician says. We started him eating solids last week and he has been sleeping through the night for going on 2months. I am so lucky. I can't imagine losing my child. I can't imagine sending him off to surgery's and having faith that he would come back to me okay.I can't imagine planning a funeral and picking out a tiny casket. I can't imagine going to sleep at night without being able to peek in on him like I always to before hand. I can't imagine not being able to snuggle him up after a full belly, a bath and a massage....my absolute favorite. I tell him I love him everyday, and at night when he is sleeping I go into his room and put my hand lightly on his chest to make sure he is breathing. I'm so in love with him! Things aren't always perfect, and life's not always fair but today I am happy to have all I have to bear.