Thoughts on Pregnancy, Marriage & Life

PREGO THOUGHTS
I think there might just be a baby in there. Ya think? Golly I am getting big. 13 weeks to go already. I am trying to decide if I want to take pregnancy pictures. It seems that there are a lot of opinions out there about showing off your bare tummy. I guess it makes some people uncomfortable because it did not use to be fashionable to wear tight tummy shirts and be proud of that bump. However, I disagree. I think being pregnant is beautiful. I guess I work with skin all day so maybe I am just use to it. It amazes me how our bodies adapt and stretch to make room for these little miracles. It's not like I am walking around with a string bikini on letting everything hang out, but I want some pictures more for myself to look back on. My sister just got a really nice camera so if I do it, I will have her take them. I would never go somewhere to have a stranger photograph me, that is creepy to me. But my sister, heck yes! It would be soooooo much fun.
She (Kim) is moving to a new house finally. I am so excited for her. She has a big porch that wraps around the house and is excited about having my baby shower there in May. I can't wait to be spoiled rotten and talk about babies and eat food all day with all my favorite people.
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UPDATE ON OTHER STUFF
What else have I been up to? I feel like a blogging drop out. I made a promise/New Years resolution to not write about anything unless it is positive (in my journal or blog). So...... yeah, haven't written for a while. I am working on my tax stuff and its been a nightmare. I am redoing my books for the past year in a different program and I am on month 2 of doing data entry. Chris's boss gave us a scare about firing him last month, but took it back. We are de-junking and getting ready for baby. Our extra bedroom has been more like a garage for the past two years, so he has been taking loads over to his moms house to store at the shop. We are planning on painting and getting the carpet cleaned for baby's room.

I hope I can have enough patience to get through the next couple of months. I don't deal well with change and it seems as though this year has been a test of my character. I miss my mom like crazy every day, I am realizing that marriage is the hardest thing I have ever had to work at, and my dad got remarried and I am having a hard time letting him go. I feel as though we are closer than we ever have and that I am the parent right now, raising a lost and confused teenager and letting him date and make decisions all by himself and in the mix trying to be not only his mom but his friend. Overall my pregnancy has been pretty good, although the hormones and eating habits have been outrageous. I made the comment the other day to my husband that I finally think in the last month that the whole crazy prego woman thing they warn you about in the books is finally starting to present itself. He just looked at me and said, "Are you serious? You think that it is just now starting....Ha, right!
I am stressing that I am stressing. Does that make sense? I wish I could just relax and enjoy the ride. I taught in young women's the other day. "Finding Joy in Now!" Wow, what an eye opener for me. I have such a hard time with that concept. I get so stuck on the material and temporal things all the time and get into this funk. I really enjoyed teaching the lesson and challenged the girls to make a list of things that they can do now to ensure long-lasting joy in their future. I have made my own personal goal list: 1)Make a Happy Book- write down positive thoughts and reflections from the day or things I am thankful for. 2) Read my scriptures and say my personal prayers as much as possible. 3) Go to the temple more. 4) Have an escape from anger & frustration plan: go for a drive, a walk, read a book etc, instead of yelling, fretting and crying. 5) Remember who I am. 6) What would my mother tell me to do? What would she think? 7) Focus on Eternal things, not temporal 8) Pray for my Husband. 9) Instead of complaining about what is going wrong, think of solutions on how to fix it or change it 10) Don't expect perfection 11) Believe in something better 12) There are always more choices than you think.

I am realizing that it is a everyday battle to choose happiness over misery. It really is a choice, although we often feel like we are forced to feel that way by another person's actions, or something outside our control, inevitable things like TAXES!!!!! I think that each individual deals with these things differently. My husband for example is an optimist 362 days of the year, always looking at what he can do different or how to fix it. I have a harder time, because I can't even see past the problem to even think about visualizing a decent outcome so I get stuck in a depressing rut. I think everyone takes a ride on this roller coaster and we spend a lot of time trying to figure out what IT IS. What are we doing wrong, how can we do better and then in the simple quiet moments, usually when things are actually going well and going our way, we positively think to ourselves.... Duh, it's LIFE. My goal is to be able to have this attitude more often, to let things just come as they will and find JOY IN THE JOURNEY.
"Our realization of what is most important in life goes hand in hand with gratitude for our blessings...........Brothers and sisters, my sincere prayer is that we may adapt to the changes in our lives, that we may realize what is most important, that we may express our gratitude always and thus find joy in the journey." President Monson