Moving on is really hard

I keep telling myself that I am okay and that things will get better with time. I am aware that I will have good times and bad times and that it is to be expected. I have had an especially hard time this week missing my mom. I want to tell her how I am feeling and tell her all the ideas I have, that Chris and I actually agree on a baby name and that I have been thinking about her everyday. I haven't been sleeping all through the night for about a week now. I usually get up to go pee about 3 times and at least one of the trips leaves me wide awake on some sort of thinking rampage and I can't go back to sleep. Last night I totally lost it, starting bawling in my bed missing my mom and left the bedroom and went in the spare bedroom where I have some of her things. I took out her little snugly pillow that she used all the time when she was sick and sat on the floor hugging it with my fuzzy blanket around me and sobbed until my head hurt too much to continue. I finally said a prayer that I could sleep through the night and settled on the couch. My dad recently made a profile on LDS Singles and at first I thought it was kind of funny. After talking to him about it the last 2 days, I finally realized last night that it is freaking me out and that I am not ready for that. I know that he is lonely and that he and Mom discussed that it was okay for him to move on but she has only been gone for A MONTH! I got brave enough to tell him that I am worried about him trying to move on too fast. I said Dad, just because you get up every morning and go throughout your day, doesn't mean you are dealing. You are an emotional wreck and I think you need some time. I guess he just feels like you have to start somewhere. I suppose you do, I just don't know where that would be. I am worried about him. It makes me sad to go out to the house because everything is so empty. The fridge is practically bare, the bathroom has close to nothing in it, and moms sewing stuff is all put away with a closet half empty. It pretty much sucks I have decided. I ordered the new Hillary Weeks CD and can't wait till it comes next week so I can bawl my eyes out. Plus Greys Anatomy ( my fall obsession) starts on Thursday so hopefully with those two major helps I will be on the road to healing. Keep busy right? I have been reading my moms book " A Heart Like His." Making Space for God's Love In Your Life by Virginia H. Pearce. I have really enjoyed it. My goal today is to organize my closet, dresser and the soon to be baby room. It seems like it may be a 6 month project, but beings that it is rainy outside, I don't have much of a choice.